L's Death Note
by xxElectrick
Summary: L is odd. The only one who loves him is Light, and even he thinks that he is "weird", because of his love of pain, torture, and death, and because of his erotic obsession with the death note itself. [FINISHED]
1. kiLL me

**Unfortunately, I don't own Death Note.**

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><p>"It's like poetry," I whispered, stroking the pages.<p>

Light snorted. "Will you shut up, Lawliet? I'm trying to study." He flipped the page of his textbook, slouching over the desk in his bedroom.

"I can't help it. It's like..." I turned the page of the death note and buried my face in it, smelling the paper, the ink, the death. "Like, ecstasy." I fell backwards onto Light's bed, my legs flying up before I let them drop.

Light shook his head. "Like ecstasy," he mumbled. "You're so weird, L- Kun."

I giggled, rolling over onto my stomach and skimming through the pages. "Junsuke!" I exclaimed, and clutched the death note to my chest.

Light chuckled inwardly. "Junsuke, he's the-"

"The last person you killed." I admired the way the hiragana characters curved, the swift dips in them. じゅんすけ. "Do you think he had a family who loved him, Light- Kun?"

Light picked up his pencil. "I don't care. He's a criminal, he deserves to die."

"But what if I were a criminal, Light- Kun?" I cried, squatting on the bed. "Would you kill me?"

"I don't know," Light mumbled absently, engrossed in his studies.

"But what if I killed an innocent woman?" I couldn't suppress my self- awe as I thought. "I creep into her house at night. I pull out my gun." I made a gun with my fingers and pointed it forward for emphasis. "She begs for mercy. She starts crying. 'Please, please, please!'" I closed my eyes picturing it. "Like music. 'Please, please, please!' Just over, and over, and over again. " I felt chills run down my legs. "'Please, please, please, please, please, ple-' Bang!"

I made my eyes roll back, and collapsed into the sheets.

Light chewed his eraser. "Just don't do it, okay? Then I won't even have to think about it," he muttered, scribbling in his notebook.

I laughed, and stayed lying down, the death note next to me. "Come on in bed, Light- Kun. You work too hard," I murmured, as I massaged the notebook with my finger tips.

"You do realize finals are next week. We'll be graduating college soon. You're always nagging me about a getting a ring, right? Well, before that happens we're getting good jobs." Light picked up a highlighter. "And before that, we're getting good grades."

"Come on, Light- Kun, it's a Friday night. You've been studying all day. I'm getting really lonely," I pouted. "The bed is all warmed up for you. Why do you always tease me?"

Light shut his textbook. "I suppose that's fine. I could take a little break."

"Yesssss!" I grinned widely as he lay down next to me. I gently moved the death note onto the side table.

"I would like to be in your notebook one day, Light- Kun," I said.

Light smirked. "Okay," he laughed.

"I'm serious. It's so beautiful." I stroked his hair.

"How would you like to die?"

I smiled. "Something lovely. I want to suffer. Will you promise to kill me one day, and make sure I suffer?" I stroked Light's arm delicately.

"Sure," Light said. "Do you want to slowly bleed out?"

"Yes!" I felt an erotic stab of pleasure at the thought. "Leave me on the cold ground for hours, days even, while I sob and beg God to put me out of my misery. Beautiful. Beautiful."

Light shook his head. "I'm telling you, L- Kun. You're the only person I've even met who fantasizes about their own death."

I grabbed Light's hand and gently bit his fingertips. "But you still love me, Light- Kun." I put his hand down and let my breath steady, and inhaled.

"Tu avais à peine quinze ans  
>Tes cheveux portaient des rubans<br>Tu habitais tout près  
>Du Grand Palais"<p>

Light closed his eyes and smiled. "I love it when you sing in French."

"I know." I laughed a little. "Hey, Light- Kun. How many kids should we have?"

Light's eyes opened suddenly. "God, no. No kids. L- Kun, we'd be the worst parents ever."

I sat up. "Now, I resent that. I would be the world's best mother to them. "

"Now you're a woman?"

"Well, naturally," I said, gazing over Light. "We don't want them to be those weird kids with two guys as parents. So I'll have to fulfill the role of the mother. I'm more maternal than you anyway, Light- Kun."

Light laughed until he had tears in his eyes. "What a great sacrifice for our children you are making!"

"Not really," I said, lying back down and reaching my arms across Light's chest. "I've always kinda wanted to know what it's like being a woman."

"You're so weird," Light laughed some more.

"Would you still love me if I had boobs, Light- Kun?"

"Stop asking weird questions. I'm too tired to answer them."

"I'm sorry." I felt my face get warm. "You can hurt me if you want."

Light sighed. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Are you sure?" I asked, pulling back in fear. I shut my eyes. "I'm ready."

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay. Whatever you want." Before I opened my eyes again, I felt a hot pain on my cheek.

It felt like electricity. The burning, the sizzling his hand left on my face. "Light- Kun, you slapped me."

"I only did it because you wanted me to," Light mumbled, starting to doze off. "Now let me sleep."

I rubbed Light's back until he fell asleep, and checked the time. 20:00. It was too early for me to fall asleep.

Quietly, I picked up the death note off the side table. I smiled and fondled it sensually, the pages arousing my senses. I read each name slowly, until I felt tears running down my face. I quietly prayed for the ones who died.

"L- Kun?"

I looked up from the notebook suddenly. "Oh, you're awake!"

Light cleared his throat. "Do you remember why I said I wouldn't let you have the death note? Like, to write in?"

I nodded. "You said, 'Pain and death isn't an art, L- Kun. It's real.' You thought I would kill many people who aren't criminals."

"That's right," Light said. "But it was also because... Well, because..."

I crawled onto the bed by Light. "Yes?"

"You love the death note more than me."

My mind blanked for a moment, and then I realized what he had said. "No!" I shouted. "Light- Kun, I love you more than anything."

"I can't stand the way you act with it. To see you kiss it and stroke it like you do." Light shook his head, his eyes wide. "It's disgusting. I've had enough of it."

My mouth dropped open. "Please, no! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Light. I'm so, so sorry, Light." I dropped to his feet and bowed my head. "I'll never touch it again. I swear."

I could hear Light's depressed sigh. "_I'm_ sorry. I am, L- Kun. I know didn't give you any warning, but..."

"You can punish me. You can torture me. Whatever you want."

"I will not punish you."

"I- I would be your slave for the rest of my life," I bawled. "Anything you asked, I would do it."

"No. Please don't do this to me. We just need to spend some time apart."

"Then kill me, Light- San." I lifted my head up.

Light paused. "You know I couldn't do that, L- Kun."

"You can. Not to punish me," I said. "But as a favor to me. Kill me."

Light didn't speak for a few more seconds. "You're sick. Why do you have to make this so hard for me?"

I handed him the death note and a pencil. He stared at them without moving. And then he grabbed them with shaky hands. "How?"

Quietly, as I faded away, familiar words echoed in my mind- "_Please, please, please, please, please, please_ _ple_-"

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><p><strong>I know, I was feeling a little high when I started writing this. But I had so much fun turning L into a psychopath... Obsessed with death, in love with pain and being degraded, aroused by the death note. Poor Light just couldn't take it anymore. I really, really hope you liked reading this as much as I did writing it! Please leave a review if you had any opinions (questions, comments, concerns) on it, because of course, I'm eager to hear them!<strong>

**PS: I apologize for the glaring lack of Ryuk's presence. I tried to put him in here, but it was just too awkward and I think it was better without him. (Sorry, Ryuk!)**


	2. i am aLive

**Ta- Da! I know this was originally supposed to be a one- shot, but in a review, someone mentioned that they might like to see how L turned out like that in a multi- chapter fanfic. I really, really, really hope I'm not ruining the first chapter by adding this, but... Here goes nothing!**

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><p>"Hello?! Can anyone hear me?"<p>

I checked my watch. I had been locked in this closet at 7:00 AM, and now it was 4:00 PM. I was a prisoner in my own home, trapped in my closet. School was over now. He had to be coming soon.

_"Hey, L! Do you want to walk to school together?," Light Yagami had said. "I'll be at your apartment tomorrow, in the morning..."_

_I hadn't been able to believe that the most unbelievably hot boy in our senior class wanted to hang out with me._

_"Do you want some tea before we leave, Yagami?" I asked him this morning._

_"Sure."_

_After I had made the tea, I handed the cup to Light carefully. "It's hot," I warned._

_Suddenly, Light's face changed. He snatched the cup from me."You really thought I was serious this whole time?" He shook his head. "Misa said you knew I was kidding, but I decided to come over and see for myself."_

_"Wha- what?" I felt my heart drop._

_"Everyone knows you love me. It's not a secret. But you need to give it up," Light snickered. "I can't believe this. Me? Be caught walking to school with you?"_

_I just stared, and felt my cheeks turn red._

_"I'm way out of your league," Light sneered. "Learn your friggin' place."_

_I stared some more._

_"Will you stop staring at me, you idiot?" Light growled furiously. He threw the cup down and it shattered on the floor. "Show some respect."_

_Without hesitation, I dropped to the ground and started picking up the pieces. "I- I'm sorry, Light."_

_"You may not call me Light."_

_I looked up and couldn't help but gape._

_Light's eyes narrowed. "I told you to stop staring!" With one single shove, he pushed me into the closet and slammed the door._

_"Light- Sama, wait! It automatically locks..." I heard the apartment door shut. "Oh no. He's gone."_

Nine hours in an empty closet gave me lots of time to think. (And sleep, too)

I mostly mused upon how Light- San acted towards me. "I'm a human, too, aren't I?," I mumbled. It was okay to talk to yourself when no one's around.

"Aren't I?," I repeated. I scratched and clawed at my arms with my nails until blood came out, leaking like relief. I moaned. "I am. I am alive," I said.

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><p>At 11:33 PM, I realized that someone was knocking on my apartment door. I was barely aware of anything but nausea and the throbbing of my head, and the darkness, and the heat, and the silence, up until then.<p>

"Hello?" More knocking.

I weakly lifted my head up, exhausted from lack of food and water.

"Hellooooo? L?" A female voice.

I opened my mouth, which only managed to hoarsely whisper, "Come in."

"Can I come in?"

"Yes, come in, please," I said, trying to be louder.

"I'm just gonna try to come in now!" I heard the apartment door open.

"In here," I said. The closet door opened, and I writhed in the piercing of the only light I had seen since morning. I covered my face. "Gah... " I groaned.

"Oh... My... God. L, like, what is going on right now?"

I peaked through my fingers. "Misa?" I immediately felt embarrassed, wiggling around on the floor of my own closet in the presence of the most popular girl in school.

"Light told me what happened, and I, like, decided to come and... Well, I didn't expect anything like this!"

I smiled.

"Why are you even smiling right now? God, it's creeping me out. No offense."

"Thanks, Misa- Sama. No hard feelings. I learned my lesson." I nodded quickly, standing up weakly.

Misa squinted at me. "You're being really weird right now."

I bowed my head slightly. "I'm sorry, Misa- Sama. I'll try to stop if I'm bothering you."

"Look, emo- boy," Misa hissed. "I don't know what disgusting thoughts are going through your head right now, but stay away from my boyfriend."

I nodded. "Of course. I won't even touch him. I told you, Misa- Sama, I've learnt my lesson."

"No, I know you will," she said quietly, with a sinister air. "I'm going now."

"Goodbye, and thank you very much for freeing me." I bowed.

She left and closed the door.

If only Light were there to disimprison me, to see the agony in my eyes. Would he love me then? For, I had never loved him more than I did now.

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><p>I sat on the floor of the lunchroom as I always did, leaning against the wall in the corner. I always loved corners. It was as close to privacy as I could reach during my lunch period, and I also loved privacy, which was also why I bought my own apartment this year.<p>

But sometimes, I was cornered in this corner.

"How was the closet, L- Kun?," a sophomore called as I ate my sweets.

I shrugged it off. I never minded the mocking, even by the sophomores and freshmen.

"It's like seven hours in heaven, instead of seven minutes!"

"No, no, seven hours in hell!"

I shook my head and pursed my lips.

"What is it, L- Kun? Are you sad that Light didn't want to sleep with you?"

"No, no, that's not it," I mumbled, dodging a flying pizza slice, which hit the wall behind me. "It's just that, it was closer to 16 or 17 hours in heaven."

"I bet it would have been even more heavenly if Light were in there with you, Gaytard."

"Hmm." I resisted the urge to squirm with pleasure at the thought.

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><p><strong>So, there it is... It may have started out kinda slow, but I think it might pick up... You should already see how L's shaping into how he was in the first chapter. I already have written more, so there will definitely be more chapters, but if no one likes it, it will be a little depressing xD If you made it this far, thanks for reading, and tell me what you think!<strong>


	3. L barks Like a Little french dog

"Who is it? I don't get visitors very often. Especially visitors who don't knock before entering." The sound of footsteps came closer to the kitchen.

When I saw Light walk in, I spent a moment with my mouth open. Then I remembered my place, and I fell to the floor. "Light- Sama. What may I do for you?"

Light looked angry.

"You look ridiculous," he spat.

I bit my lip. What do I say? "I'm sorry, Light- Sama." I got up. "Would you like some tea?"

"Tea? No, I would not like tea," Light said tightly. I drew back tentatively. "I would like for you to stop spreading rumors about us!"

"R- rumors?"

"Shut up, L."

"I'm sorry, Light- Sama, I wish I knew what you are talking about, but I don't."

"Just _stop_. Who else but you would tell everyone that... That I... _You know_... " Suddenly, Light looked very embarrassed.

My eyes widened. "_Yes_?"

He glared at me. "Screw you, L. Stop pretending like you're always the good guy."

"If you don't mind my asking, what was this rumor that you are implying- that's not what I meant to say. What is the rumor that you are telling me I invented?" I knew I sounded irritated, but that was just because I was.

"Just-"

"No, please? I'm curious."

Light sighed in surrender. "That I tried to... I tried to kiss you."

"Kiss me?"

"And take your clothes off."

"My-"

"While you were passed out drunk."

"Passed out?"

"Yes. Yes. There."

I blushed. "That's pretty funny," I snorted.

Light looked agitated at my reaction, which bothered me a bit. "Yep. Yeah. It's hilarious. Especially for me, because now everyone thinks I tried to rape you."

I frowned. "I really didn't tell anyone that, I promise."

"Oh, right. Obviously not."

"Thanks for that sarcasm," I muttered, and then realized that I was being disrespectful, as well as sarcastic.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Light- Sama."

Light narrowed his eyebrows. "Let's not go there, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded solemnly.

Light stared at me in the eyes seriously, giving me chills. He lowered his voice. "Tomorrow, whenever someone mentions this rumor to you, you are going to tell them that you made it up. Understood?"

I hesitated.

"I said, understood?"

"B- but, I-"

It happened quickly. A slap. A streak of pain, across my face.

"I'm going to ask you again," Light growled. "Do you understand?"

I felt my cheek in shock. Light had slapped me. I slowly nodded in shock.

"I can make your miserable life suck, L. Or at least, suck more than it already does. So let's just try to do what I ask, alright?"

I nodded again submissively.

Light smiled mockingly. "He's too easy," I heard him mumble as he left.

I slowly sank to the floor, hand still on my cheek, which began to throb. "I really, really love you, Light- Sama."

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><p>"It's not true, guys. I just spread that around." How come it's so easy to start a rumor but so hard to stop it?<p>

"Is it your dream come true, L?"

"How was it, _Emo- Boy_?"

I walked out of the hall, and out of the school. Bullying was especially bad today, but as usual, I wasn't hurt by anything anyone said.

"How's the teasing, L?"

I turned around. "Misa- Sama?"

"Yuh- huh."

I squirmed uncomfortably. "Hey, Misa- Sama. I just want to let you that it's not true. The rumor. I made it up."

Then, Misa laughed. She laughed, clutching her stomach. She laughed, her eyes welling up with tears.

I waited patiently for her laughing fit to end, and she said, "Well, _duh_, of course it's not true! _I'm_ the one who made it up, stupid!"

I took a moment to gawk. "I fail to see the humor in this."

Misa wiped a tear off her lower eyelid. "You're really telling everyone it was you? God, like, Light was right. You really are expendable. Susceptible. Docile. Like a little dog."

I beamed. "Light- Sama said that?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's not a compliment, genius."

"Sorry," I apologized, although I still felt strangely flattered. "If you don't mind my asking, why would you do this, anyway? You know, Light- Sama is very unhappy."

Misa smirked subtly. "To make sure Light wants nothing to do with you."

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><p>"Tout doux, tout doux, tout doucement. Toujours, tout doux, tout doucement, comme ça..." I sang as I sat in the shower. At this point, the steam had become so thick that I had discomfort breathing, so I reluctantly turned off the water.<p>

"N'allez jamais trop vite, vous avez tout le temps, attention a la dynamite. Prenez garde aux volcans..."

I opened the bathroom door, gasped, and immediately slammed it shut. "Light- Sama," I calmly said. "You seeing me naked isn't going to help your issues with rumors."

"W- well, I assumed you'd be dressed when you walked out!"

"I would have been if I knew you were going to walk into my apartment without an invitation, Light- Sama."

"I wouldn't walk in without an invitation if you would lock your door!"

"Touché, Monsieur Light." I slipped on my jeans and T-shirt and opened the door, a cloud of steam surrounding me.

"What's with the French, anyway?" Light asked.

I shrugged. "I like French."

"Do you like to sing in French?"

"Yes."

"You're good at it," Light coughed. "I mean- it's... Cool... I guess." He coughed some more.

I nodded. "What may I do for you, Light- Sama?"

Light bit his lip. "You can call me Light. Or whatever you want. Anyway, I'm sorry, L. I know Misa started the rumor. I heard her talking to you."

I frowned. "I apologize, Light- Sam... I mean, Light."

"God, see? You're so annoying! Why do you apologize?"

I bowed my neck. "I'm sorry... I mean... I... " I lifted my head up slowly.

"You make me so angry, L." Light didn't look angry. "You're always so innocent. You never do anything wrong."

"I'm very sor... This is difficult."

"Stop talking before I rip your friggin' head off."

I shut my mouth. All I really knew how to do was apologize anyway.

"I really don't want to drag this out. I don't like the feeling of my trying to explain myself before I tell you what I need to tell you, and seeing how you probably will react as I am doing it, so I like you."

I parted my lips. "You aren't lying to me, Light? You aren't trying to torture me by playing a cruel joke?"

Light frowned. "N- no," he stuttered.

"In that case," I said. "YAYYYYYYYYYYY LIGHT LIKES ME!"

"Woah, woah," Light said, almost panicked. "Let's not get weird here."

"I see that smile, Light- Kun. Now let's get right to-"

"Slow down, please!" Light groaned. He facepalmed. "It was a stupid idea telling you, anyway."

"Why did you tell me, then?"

"I don't know, okay? I just broke up with Misa and I wanted to go and talk to someone..."

"Well, you came to the right place, Light- Kun!" I grinned. "I'll cheer you up!" I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I giggled.

Light recoiled. "L, I'm serious." He shut his eyes as if in pain. "What's wrong with me? I can't let anyone at school know about this." He looked at me quickly. "No offense."

"S'okay! I know you have a reputation to live up to, Light- Kun. I don't want to damage it any more than I already have. At school, just pretend like you hate me like you always do!"

"I'm surprised you're okay with that."

"I'm here for you, Light- Kun. I'll do whatever you need, alright? You just say the word. Just think of my as your little dog," I said, my smile glowing. "I mean, that's what love is, right?"

Light's eyebrows raised. "I... I mean... I guess so."

I laughed. "_Woof_!"

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><p><strong>I'm eager to post more, but I already made this chapter longer than I wanted it to be. The next chapter should be good one. I hope x1000 that you are enjoying it so far, and if you have any opinions on it, tell me, because reading reviews is my joy in life!<strong>

**_Woof!_  
><strong>


	4. tiLL death do us part

"Hey, Light, look who it is! And conscious, too."

As I sat under a tree outside campus, my fork full of cake paused before reaching my mouth.

Light, surrounded by his friends (and my tormentors), laughed dryly at me. I was positive only I could see the anxiety behind his façade of cruelty.

"Hey, sorry Light didn't want to rape you, L- Chan," sneered one of the boys.

I took a bite of cake and wiped my face with my sleeve. "Well, I can always dream, right?"

Light and his friends laughed. "Why not?" one boy chimed in. "Maybe your dreams will come true one day!"

I laughed. "Maybe, indeed."

The boy glared at me, maybe annoyed by my flippancy. "How're your sweets, L- Chan? Do they taste better than Light's balls?"

I shook my head, taking the last bite of my red velvet cake. "Stupid question. As you know, I can't compare the two, unfortunately."

The boy's stare hardened further. "Listen, Emo- Boy. I thought Light already taught you what happens when you disrespect those superior to you?"

I met his eyes. "Light- Sama is superior to me. _You_ are not."

Everyone looked at Light.

"Well, Light? Are you going to teach him a lesson?"

Light's face was cold as stone. "Shut up, L."

I chewed on a cookie silently.

Light's friends looked at each other, smirking. "Dude," said one. "That's all you got? I've seen you give Emo better stuff than that. You're gettin' soft, Bro. If I didn't know better I'd say you-"

Quickly and unexpectedly, I felt the blow to my head. A swift kick. The world seemed to spin for a second.

"Woah, nice shot!"

"Again!"

This time when he kicked my head, the ground seemed to spin for hours, my stomach lurching and the sky turning purple.

"Way to go, Bro," congratulated one voice.

"That should teach that miserable trash something," added another.

When my vision focused, I saw the group of boys either high- fiving Light, or laughing down at me.

I rolled over onto my knees, certain I was going to throw up. I wanted to throw up, to show Light how much I loved him. I wanted to bleed, to faint, to be broken, eaten away by pain, and all for Light.

* * *

><p>"<em>Really<em>, Light- Kun? Now you're knocking?" I sat perched on my couch, watching tv.

"How did you know it was me?" Light opened my apartment door and walked in. "Well anyway, last time I walked in without knocking..." He paused. "Oh my God, L."

I chuckled. "I know, this show is horrible, but there's nothing really on tv right now."

"No, your face!"

"I like your face, too."

Light slipped his shoes off and walked toward me. "Please, _please_ tell me you put ice on this." He touched the sore bruised spots on my face, and I felt pleasant shivers run down my back.

"I put ice on this," I mumbled.

"Oh, good."

"Well... I didn't really, but you wanted me to tell you that I did. "

Light sighed. "L... I feel really bad."

I turned towards Light, filled with concern. "What's wrong Light- Kun? Do you want some aspirin? Do you need to lie down? Some water? I'll turn the tv off for you."

"No, no, I mean, I feel guilty. For kicking you today."

"Why?"

Light's mouth dropped open. "What do you mean, why... " He mumbled. "Because I hurt you?"

I smiled. "Don't be silly, Light- Kun. I told you, I want you to pretend like you hate me. I know you're only pretending."

Light grimaced.

I tried to reassure him, "It's okay, Light, trust me."

* * *

><p>"How's the face, L?"<p>

The same group of boys surrounded me at lunch. "Those aren't hickeys, are they, L- Chan?"

Light's eyes looked scared.

I shook my head. "Honestly," I said. "I don't know how in the world I could get hickeys on my forehead. But it sounds kinda scary."

A chorus of "oooooh"'s erupted through the group, and I realized I had given them just what they wanted: A reason to strip me of my dignity.

"You're up, Light," one boy said.

Light looked surprised at first, then his expressions turned cold. "I'm... _Up_?" His features contorted into anger. "I'm _up_? Why? So... So I can _abuse_ him again?"

The boys took an unsure step back.

What are you doing, Light- Kun?

"What did he do wrong, anyway?" Light spat. "Absolutely _nothing_. He just sits here and takes it. Every freaking _day_. I don't understand it. I don't understand _him_."

Each boy looked at each other, and back at us, assessing the situation.

I squirmed tensely under their eyes. I didn't mind being a dog to Light; I wanted to. But I was no one else's dog but his, and I didn't like feeling like I was.

I knew what was coming next, but that didn't make it any better.

"_Light loves Emo- Boy, Light loves Emo- Boy..._ " they all chanted.

One guy held up his fist like a microphone to my face. "You just found out the boy of your dreams is in love with you, what are you going to do next?"

The group laughed.

I looked at Light, and Light looked at me. "What do you say, Emo- Boy?," Light asked. "I am rather cold right now. Do you want to help me warm up?"

Each boy looked bewildered.

"I thought you would never ask, Light- Kun."

The way I remembered it, Light and I skipped into the sunset singing love songs while everyone else just gaped.

* * *

><p>"Light- Kun, you didn't have to do that," I said, still straddling Light's waist. Light smiled, sitting on the couch, his arms around my hips.<p>

"Of course I did, L- Kun."

I kissed light's jawbone. "Well," I said, between kisses, "at least we can get teased together as a couple now!" I pulled back, but my mouth was close enough to his that I could smell his listerine. "I guess that really is love, right?" I laughed a little.

He tilted his head a bit, looking curious. "You have some interesting definitions of love, L- Kun."

"Interesting and weird?"

"Yes. But mostly just interesting."

"What is your definition of love, Light- Kun?"

Light suddenly looked perplexed. "Love is... It's... When you like someone a lot."

"That's all?"

"Pretty much."

"So you like me a lot?"

"Yes."

"Maybe my definition of love is weird, but yours is too simple. Love is also about being together forever..."

Light nodded.

I kissed his nose. "_Till death do us part_."

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><p><strong>Hey guys! :) If you're reading this right now, it means I need to thank you so much for everything! :D And if you're thinking that was the worst fanfiction you've ever read and you're going to turn off your computer right now and never return, then <em>come on<em> because the next chapter's gonna be really good. Like, I promise. You guys can't give up on me now. I'm so excited to post it and I hopefully will get it up by tomorrow *fingers crossed* because otherwise I'll have to wait for monday. So _please_ follow this story if you're picking' up what I'm puttin' down, and if you have _any_ thoughts on it, drop me a review and make my day wayyy better! **


	5. chiLdhood nightmare

"Boo!"

"Wah!" Light yelled, almost falling out of his chair at the desk. He shut his notebook quickly. "How long have you been hiding behind the bed?"

"You didn't know I was down there? I thought you were more sensitive to sound than that."

"Well, you were really quiet," Light grumbled.

I laughed and stood up. "So... Whatcha doin' in you _notebook_, Light- Kun?"

Light pursed his lips, his eyes fixed on the wall in front of him. "Homework."

An obvious lie. "Oh, okay!" I said, choosing to play with him. I smiled subtly. "What subject?"

"It's- it's physics," he stuttered.

I nodded slowly, sauntering over to where he sat. "Is it hard?" I sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Nah, nah. Not really." Light uncomfortably looked away.

"Do you think I was born yesterday, Light- Kun?" I smirked. "Because that was also the day winter break started. We weren't assigned any homework. Isn't that nice? _No homework_, all winter break."

Light's legs suddenly tightened, the tension in himself blatant. I could feel every muscle in his body. If he were to lie to me now, I would know.

"I'm just getting a head start."

_Lie_. His rapid heartbeat and anxiously trembling muscles told me otherwise.

"I see. Light- Kun is very studious, I know," I said. "But he can't even stop learning after winter break has ended?"

"I was just bored. That's it." What was quivering more, Light's voice or his legs?

"Spill it, Light- Kun." I sneakily swiped the notebook out from under his fingers. "I've grown tired of this game.

"Hey, wait!"

I stood upon the desk. "A little anxious to get our physics notebook back? Let's see... Death note... Do you _nickname_ your notebooks, Light- Kun?"

Light reached up and tried to snatch the notebook from me. "Come on, L- Kun!"

I chuckled and flipped through the pages. "What is this? Light- Kun, are you a _fan_ of Kira?"

Light's face was a mess of worry.

"Because you've got the name of every one of Kira's victims written down in here!" I somehow enjoyed the confusion and unease on his face. "Or is it because you _are_ Kira?"

Light shook his head vehemently. "Yes! Or, no! I mean, yes, the first one! I just wanted to- to keep track of his victims."

I jumped off the desk and smiled. "I don't know, Light- Kun. I think I could turn this into the police and you'd be in _biiiig_ trouble."

"No, come on, you can't!" Light begged.

"Why not? Because you don't want to be arrested, Light- Kun?"

"I just don't want to be under investigation," Light mumbled. "It's... Annoying."

Annoying? I snorted. I was simply teasing Light, but I was enjoying it. Yes, I did believe he was Kira, but I would never turn him into the police.

"Okay, Light- Kun. I won't turn you in. If you just do one thing for me." I couldn't prevent the smile spreading across my face.

Light looked immediately skeptical. "Yes?"

"If you want to live a good, free life you better do it, okay?"

Light dragged his words out slowly, "What is it?"

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><p>I was so happy I almost kicked my legs in joy. "That was amazing, Light- Kun. You're sure you're really a virgin? Or were one, for that matter. Your orgasms sounded like a kitten's crying, by the way."<p>

Light rolled closer to me on the bed, his bare chest against mine. He laughed. "I don't even really know how to react to that."

I shrugged, and traced the details of Light's torso with my finger. "I'm sorry, Light- Kun. I'm _really_ sorry for this."

"For blackmailing me? That's okay. It wasn't too bad." Light grinned.

"Yeah, yes. But also for lying. I wouldn't have turned you in," I confessed. "I would never have let you go to prison. I just wanted to sleep with you."

Light looked surprised, then he laughed. "I guess I should have figured that, but it never hurts to be safe."

"You aren't angry? We've only been together for a month and I'm already taking advantage of you. What if I cause the downfall of our relationship?"

"You're taking advantage of... " Light shook his head. "Sometimes I don't even know what to say to you. I'm not angry. I think it's funny."

"But this is us we're talking about, Light- Kun. It isn't funny, it's serious business. I got carried away. For all I know, maybe you liked being a virgin..."

"Stop beating yourself up, L- Kun," Light grumbled.

"I'm really sorry. You can punish me." I clenched my teeth, bracing myself for whatever came my way. "I'm ready when you are, Light- Kun."

"Um... Punish... " Light raised an eyebrow. "What exactly am I supposed to do?"

I looked solemnly at him, staring into his eyes. "What do you mean? Just... Do what you've _always_ done, Light- Kun."

Light looked away quickly, his body tensing up. "God, don't _say_ that." He took a sharp, shuddering breath. "Don't look at me with your big, innocent freaking eyes and remind me that... "

I tilted my head. "That what?"

"That I've already been punishing you for years." Light looked sick to his stomach. "For doing nothing."

I tried to comfort him by placing my hand on his waist. "No, Light- Kun. You have no reason to feel any guilt," I sincerely told him. "Really, you were rewarding me for doing nothing. Every second I was with you I fell more in love with you."

Light's face scrunched up in mental anguish. "You make me so insane, L- Kun. Maybe I'm the one who's supposed to be punished, you know? Because, well, I'm Kira, L- Kun. I'm Kira."

I nodded silently. Light stared at me as if waiting. "I already knew that," I said.

"I lied to you, L- Kun," Light sulked. "So I don't deserve punishment now?"

"Do you want it?" I asked.

Light's eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Do you want to be punished?"

There was a long, tortured pause. "I do," he said.

I nodded, getting out of bed. "Stand up," I ordered.

Light obeyed.

Standing upright in front of him, I reeled my fist back and punched him in the stomach, right in that sweet spot where I could feel it cave in. His body collapsed, internally and externally. Light keeled over onto his knees, and then onto his side, and clutched himself. I could see his nails digging into his skin, with his breaths coming in and out with short, quick puffs.

I lay down next to him, placing my hands on his stomach, feeling it expand and contract rapidly. "You won't be able to breath for another minute. You'll be fine, though."

Hyperventilating, Light barely managed only to nod, his face flushed and his eyes bulging out in horror. I closed my eyes for a moment as to pay attention only to the feeling of Light's body.

"Breath more slowly, Light- Kun," I ordered. "Listen to me." Tears pooled in Light's eyes. He nodded slightly. I could feel him struggle to calm his breaths. "There you go," I said. "In... Out. In... Out. Like that." Gradually, Light's breathing came back to normal.

Wiping tears out of the corners of his eyes and trembling convulsively, Light sat up. "Light- Kun," he wheezed. "I never want to be punished by you again." The corners of his shaky lips turned up.

I returned the small smile. "If that's what you want, Light- Kun, I'll never do it again."

He laughed hoarsely, his lungs still recovering. I sat up and leaned against the wall. "I'm so glad you're Kira, Light- Kun. I always said, the only person whom I love nearly as much as Light- Kun is Kira. Now no one even comes close!"

"Really?" Light coughed, and asked. "Why is that?"

I grinned widely. "Kira killed my parents, Light- Kun."

Light's mouth dropped open "Oh my God, what?"

I nodded vigorously. "Yeah!"

"How is that good?" Light incredulously asked.

I giggled in joy. "My parents sucked! Their death is one of the greatest things to happen to me," I reminisced. "Just fantastic."

"I'm a little afraid to ask, but why did I kill them, anyway? What crime did they commit?" Light inquired.

"Child abuse."

He paused. "Oh."

"Yep. It's okay though, it's over now. Don't they say, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'? It's like that! So anyway... Thanks, Light- Kun." I tried to sound cheerful/

"You're welcome, I guess," Light said slowly.

"What, are you surprised or something?"

"It's not like I expected it. But when I think about it, I can see the psychological influence it has had on you."

I pondered this. "Psychological influence? Yeah, I guess so. I don't know."

"... Yeah." Light's eyes seemed to drift off.

"_Hello?_ Light- Kun?" I asked in a sing- song voice.

Light blinked. "Hey, L- Kun," he said, rather softly. "How did you learn... To punch me like that?"

It was very, very quiet.

I was too surprised by the question to speak.

So I nodded my head silently.

Light's eyes drooped with concern. "Oh, L- Kun."

"Yeah, it did hurt, didn't it? Maybe I shouldn't have done it so hard." I wiped my nose with my hand. "It's just like... You're so helpless for those one or two minutes. You're completely at their mercy. All you can do is breath and breath even though it doesn't feel like you're breathing and wait for it to pass. Like, you can't even move or talk or even _think_, goddamn it. Just wait until it's all over. I know, Light- Kun. I know."

Light reached his arm around my back and placed his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, L- Kun."

I didn't want Light to feel sorry. I would not go into any further detail of my childhood nightmare, even if he asked. I would keep my horror stories to myself.

_I'm Light's dog, and no one else's_, I reminded myself. _I am no one's but his._

* * *

><p><strong>As I write, I always need to find a way to torture my characters. It's my favorite thing in fanfictions to do along with twisting their personalities around. So far I've managed to do both of them in this story. <strong>

**Anyway, only one chapter left after this! Tell me what you think of how it has been going! Is anyone still interested? :D I've had some real fun writing this story and I'll be a little sad when it's over.**


	6. hoLLow

Light tightly gripped the pen in his fingers. _Did I do the right thing? _he thought. _L- Kun doesn't- I mean, he didn't ask for much._

Light felt empty and hollow.

_Why should I be sad? I had been breaking up with him anyway. And I had given him what he had so badly wanted._

_He looked so happy, writhing in a pool of his own blood. His face was pale and tormented, his arms shaking, his thin legs too weak to move. But the sparkle in his eyes was unmistakable, a silent joy I and only I could recognize._

_"Are you sure you don't want me to finish you off right now?" I had asked, feeling my stomach lurch as if I would throw up any moment._

_"No! Let me die a sick, disgusting death!" screamed L, his blood erotically mixing with the mud he lay in._

_My feelings could be described as pure horror and nothing else. I stared, hypnotized, fixated on the wretched shapes my love's body were making._

_"Go. Go!" L screamed. Tears rolled down his face. "Let me die alone!" He retched and hacked up blood, bile, and saliva. "Let me die!" he shrieked, as I had ran away._

L was happy, Light knew. He tried to remind himself of this, remembering the painful ways L's body screamed.

His bloodshot eyes screamed. The wrinkles in his forehead, his twisted, contorted legs and arms. Even the air around L was pierced in his screams. Screams and death. It seemed like the kind of thing L had lived for.

"I did the right thing, damn it!" Light cried. "I know. I know I did the right thing! I did what L- Kun wanted me to do!"

Light clawed a tear off of his face. Then why did he feel so damned sad? _I'm being selfish,_ he thought.

L would have done anything for Light, even kill him, if Light had asked him to do so. Didn't Light owe this to him? The death he had always wanted?

Light's despair morphed into anger. He stared at the death note with despise. "_You_," he hissed hatefully. "This is your fault." He reached his shaking hands out and slowly, dangerously picked it up. "If L- Kun hadn't fallen in love with you..." He slowly ripped the death note's spine in half, and then he went and tore each page into hundreds of pieces, until it was as dead as L- Kun himself.

* * *

><p><strong>L: *Drops to knees and bows head at your feet* Reader- Sama! The author of this fanfiction would like me to thank you on her behalf for reading this. She says that she has appreciated each and every single review that was posted, and wanted me to tell you that she, umm, "screams a little" every time she gets a new one. She also said I would be severely punished if I didn't give you a proper thank you, so... Thank you for making my master happy... *grovels* Thank you, Reader- Sama. Thank you... Thank you... Thank you... <strong>

**Me: *walks in* Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, Reader. You can go now, L- Kun.**

**L: Have I been taking too long, Author- Sama? I sincerely apologize. *turns to me and kisses my feet* I'm very sorry, Author- Sama, I will never-**

**Me: You're freaking the reader out, look! *points to you* I guess I can see how they all said you were creepy.**

**L: What? They said I'm-**

**Me: Just go, L- Kun. You can be punished later if you want. *looks at you* Anyway, I'm actually totally sad that this story is over. I had way too much fun writing it. Like L- Kun said, knowing that someone read this and maybe, possibly even enjoyed it is awesome, so really, thank you, and I'm sad to be saying goodbye for now :3 **


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